[[Princess's Dreams]]

Monday, June 30, 2008

[[better day]]

Tomorrow will be a better day

i don't believe this sentence. AT ALL. i am just self-comforting myself?

hahas, enough. i need to be prepared for my future...

~~XinthesisII~~

Chinese Olevels Oral- 8thJuly,

History Drama Competition's Audition-18th July,

Drama Night- 1st August,

End of year.

jiayous to myself, and everyone! we can make a difference if we tried. At the very least, we did try.

-continued from last post-

to lynette: you always dont fail to make me feel warm & happy xD thanks & love loads!

to msphan: thanks for being such a nice partner teacher , we are fated to work together (really!)

to mrtang: thanks for coaching me throughout, hahas, & you handle stuffs very well. Good job! (even though got scoldings still, but nvm bahs! xD)

to mrpang: thanks for being the evil & the one who we keep "suaning" for joy&laughter!

to sean: you nice guy! always helping others out! (though always cool cool one)

to randolph: wow~you uhs, always dont fail to make fun of me uhs...hahas but thanks for helping out alrights?

to weiming: hahas, youre nice! thanks for being so nice to keep opening the damn door for me! even if its one call and you rush out to "fetch" me in!

to andy: hahas, bdae boy! thanks for being my "mentee" for Ushering. all i can say is You are best... xD

to joseph: thanks for being the sleepyhead and the boyband!

to wesley: lols to ya boyband lurhs!

to shili: Ohmytian, thanks loads for making me smile & talking to me when im down^^

to xinthesis comm: YOU GUYS ROCKS! I MISS ALL OF YOU = post-xinthesis symptoms.

to ava people (theres alot so cant one by one say): You guys rocks, thanks for being there for support i know you guys are really tired tt day running around.

Labels: I miss you

[[Lil Princess Wrote On]]*|9:15 PM|

Sunday, June 29, 2008

[[i dont know]]

CONTRADICTION

what's with everyone nowadays? What's happening?

I need to know so i can figure what's happening to me now?

People are saying things like "ohmygosh, i would not hurt you! No, i would not." But, what's reality is people do things, without thinking about what they had said before. Thus, people got hurt as a result. It just became an empty promise in the end.

SO, what can I do? I can only sit back & watch the "show", maybe I am included inside this "show" too.

I don't blame people of saying "No! You can't do this, you can't do that! You need to set good examples." Its just backfired when people arent doing what they taught me. (I don't know, but i felt abit betrayed... )

Anyone can make a difference, whether it is small / big. Anyone can hurt another person (directly or indirectly it didn't matter) What matters is whether the person knows he/she is hurting the victim or not, what others do not matter actually.

----------------------------------------------------------------end-------------------------------------------------------------

Xinthesis II

I miss everyone! Xinthesis working comm, stage crews, teachers, NCC(warriors), ushers(who are uber hyper), performers. I miss Republic Poly theatre(like my playground) & the canteen's food. It's over now... it seems so fast. We had lots of fun & learn lots of things through this journey of 3months planning. It had been a total different experience from working with the SLs as the committee is made up of all students, except for me, char & des.

Many things happen during the planning period... How the stage managers(Chelsea, Mabel, me) & the Boss (ChenFan) worked together through many sleepless night. How we ate KFC together, & i almost got scolded for helping Msphan order the KFC by the office clerk at night. How we stayed in the staffroom, printing (&killing trees at the same time) all of the informations for the teachers. How we got to bond as a team. How we loved the mini printer we brought with us everywhere. How all of us got to play in the theatre & backstage... How we loved the touch-sensor tv in our GREEN room. How we got crazy about the NICER packet food we ordered. How we got ourselves into trouble and got scolded. How we got ourselves into unnecessarily scoldings (*hahas, inside joke) How we got pissed about the bus coming late for rehearsals. How we got anxious about stuffs (the $10 which had not been found) How we got to work with the teachers. How we got to know the Performing groups & adorable instructors (zhou lao shi & cai bo shi) HAHS!

Many thanks to people who have given us encoouragement all along...maybe i should start thanking people here, since i've got loads to say.

to Chen Fan: You did a great job, though for the english part can improve (jiayous!) love to see you looking strict!! (hahas)

to Chelsea: thanks for all the help! anyways, you are a very cute girl. though strict with ya sister, xD but on the stage right, everything will be in chaos when you are not there.

to Mabel: You, funny girl! Seriously, you are damn impt on that night & yeays! you make it a success together with us.Love you girl! (the pic i took with you was cute)

to me: luckily i didnt go bonkers! (hahas, saw too many things happening)

to XiaoDes: though u said ticketing have nothing much to do, i guess now you realised you are impt too! hahas, miss ya!

to YiXin: you funny scholar! thanks for selling the programme booklets, with you around the atmosphere became damn relax (you eat so little lurhs)

to Weiting: hey girl, thanks for being there when i was having my lowest point in the theatre. (i think im like crying when i was talking to you) you kept me thinking straight!

to XiaoChar: thanks for lending me support!

to others: UPDATE LATER!

[[Lil Princess Wrote On]]*|11:44 AM|

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

[[Annual June Camp'08]]

im back from my Sec3 camp(pre-june camp) & Annual June Camp'08 [12thjune to 17thjune] i shall not go into the details like activities alrights?! i think im tired typing this already, plus i miss everyone, especially the sec3s' OREO and the seniors! IMISSYOU GUYS! hahas, i found out a BIGBIG news! MRTAN! yes, mrtan reads my blog ehhs... ...^^ so funny! i bet he is like um-chio-ing now? xP

yeahs, its a 6days5nights camp, and im not that fit, BUT i managed not to get sick during/ after camp!*clapclaps* though i had hyper-something on the second day of the sec3 camp & made everyone worry! i was shocked myself, didn't know that EVEN i could not control my own damn leg. its scary okay! thanks thanks to all my life-saver, Shiting, Aisha, MRBAY, jasper(for holding my legs), seniors (i didnt really know who cause i can only hear you guys, so yeahs THANKS!) AND TO DESMOND SENIOR: you are not to blame for me being like that alrights? thanks for concern though!

Must be so so curious WHY ON EARTH OREO RIGHT? actually it is OTHREEO, but we made the 'TH' and one 'E' silent so = OthREeO! ilovethemall! It consists of XiaoDes(mond), XiaoBel(verlin), XiaoVan(essa), Xiao K(arina), XiaoClaire(guess who?), Xiao R(oyce), XiaoMel(issa), XiaoChar(maine), Xiao(liya)Na, XiaoBer(nice), XiaoPei(ying), Xiao(ni)Cole, XiaoHui(shi), Xiao S(iewBeng), XiaoJo(el), Xiao(jia)Yun, XiaoLi(ya), XiaoNicky (NicholasLIM)

MY JUNE CAMP COMM + THE BELOVED SEC3S ARE SOSO CUTE DURING THE JUNE CAMP! we have done it okays! YAYS! congrats! thanks the sec3s who have been always supporting us! love you guys LOADS!

i seriously could not put down all my thoughts onto my blog, coz it is impossible as i will keep on writing and writing and writing...non-stop.
~NICE CHEERS! yes... our makan cheer, water parade cheer, O-R-E-O cheer, Oreo(tarzan) cheer, OREOGROUPCHEER!
~NICE PEOPLE; ALL of the OREOS! + SENIORS!
~NICE SING ALONG! with songs that always made me cry! (IF we HOLD on TOGETHER)
~HUGS! (sean's free hugs!& many more people's)
~Sleepless Nights + got woken up by XiaoJo & XiaoSiew;s laughter in the media factory!
~Nice MILO making with XiaoLI and XiaoSIew(on the 2nd day)
~Nice getting blue-blacks all over my body (GAN-BA saved my life, seriously)
~Nice Juniors writing warm fuzzy to me...got alot of them sias
~NiCE OPS ROOM we had and i didnt sleep ytd night coz i missed it & OREOS!
~NICE to see you there, even if its only glances of you... ...
~....
~...
~..
~.
~

Theres loads loads more... people will get letters from me soon! please wait...xD hahs, quite busy (AGAIn) for XINTHESIS! woah~

saw XiaoHUI today HUGGED HER AS SOON AS WE CALLED EACH OTHER! XiaoBER also, hope her stomachache is gone by now. SAW XiaoPei & XiaoCOLE today, BUT notime chat as was callled in by phanphan! & when im out, they were gone with their dance tee! =x oh, nvm try to get back to them tmr if i see them! xD

hope i get to sleep tonight...i cant wake up feeling low, low, low again! and i need my energy man! tmr theres the REAL drama rehearsal, unlike today;s (did not much, but still i looked like a living zoombie to Eileen, my instructor) JIAYOUS, XIAOCLAIRE!

TO XIAOROYCE: please get well soon! then you can "lols" me as many times as you want! miss ya! and dont watch Euros till too late alrights!!?? x)

Labels: imissyou

[[Lil Princess Wrote On]]*|8:00 PM|

Monday, June 09, 2008

[[One litres of tears]]

One litres of tears is indeed a touching show, i cried more than one litres of tears i think, may get dehydration from it though, ohwells. I had copied down parts of what Aya(the female lead who had a strange incurable disease) had wrote in her diary.

"If I were a flower, then now I'd be a bud. I shall treasure the beginning of my youth without any regrets."

"Why did this disease choose me? I cannot carry it, if it's just for the word 'fate' "

"I want to build a time machine and revisit the past.

If it weren't for this disease, I might even be in love.

I want to cling on someone's arm so badly."

"Regret. Pitiful.

It's fine if I'm in pain by myself. But I'm also bringing trouble to the people around me."

"I really don't want to say things such as 'I want to go back to how things were before' I recognize how I am right now, and I will continue to live on."

"Therefore I definitely won't run away. That's what I'll do. Definitely, always."

"Even if it's like that, I still want to stay here. Because this is the place where I am."

"If you look up at the sky after falling down, the blue sky is also today stretching limitlessly and smiles at me...I'm alive."

What Asou(Aya's boyfriend) said to her:

"For me, as long as it's you saying it, it doesn't matter how slowly you say it, I'll still listen.

If you can't talk over the phone, then I'll come to see you, just like this.

I'm not a dolphin.

You, you're also not a dolphin.

If you want to walk, no matter how slow it'll be, I'll walk with you."

"To stop my pace, and live in the present. Even though there will be a day, that I will lose it, isn't it great that I could pass on a dream that I had to give up?"

"People should'nt dwell on the past.It's enough to try your best in all that you're doing now."

"The sounds, 'ma', 'wa', 'ba' and 'n' have become hard to pronounce. I can only breathe out air instead of saying it. So, I can't communicate with others. Recently, I have been talking to myself a lot. I didn't like it before, but to practice pronouncing, I have to do it. I will not give up on speaking... ..."

Poems that Aya wrote,

#1 The other side of suffering- Kitou Aya(the real girl)

Everyone feels pain,

But surely, after suffering satisfaction will arrive.

Even with sports, studying or other ordeals.

With life, it's like that for everyone.

If we can beat the pain, on the other side,

a rainbow of happiness awaits us.

That will definitely become a treasure.

Let's believe in that.

#2 Step by step

When my existence seems to disappear,

I will look for the place where I can do the best I can.

From now on, I'll deliberate slowly.

I won't be impatient.

I won't be greedy.

I won't give up.

Because everyone takes things step by step.

"The feelings of everyone stay deep within my heart. I can't even stand properly.

I can't speak properly. Nevertheless, this is my own body, so I can't give up.

18 year olds. Even for me, I expect there's a future for me too."

"I want to stay in the hospital. Doctor, please let me stay in the hospital. I don't want to do rehabilitation, only twice a week. If it carries on like this, I might not be able to walk. I don't want to give up walking, on my own feet yet."

A Love Letter for Asou (when she was 18)

To Asou-kun:

There are some things that I can't say to you face to face. So, I'm writing a letter. For always being by my side, thank you. For always encouraging me, thank you. You've found what you wanted to do, and are now working towards it. And seeing that makes me happy. You'll gain a lot of knowledge, and meet a lot of new people. From now on, you'll continue to live on. Your future is expanding by infinite proportions. But in my case, it's not the same. In the future that I have left, how should I go about living it? That's it. That's all that there is. There's nothing we can do about this difference. Everyday, I'm fighting against myself. I'm worried, and it's painful, to try to suppress such feelings. I've used up all my energy. Here's the truth. It's painful to be with Asou-kun. Wanting to do this, wanting to do that. Thinking that if I didn't get this disease, then I would be able to do them all. When I'm with Asou-kun, I'll keep on wanting a dream that can never come true. Of course, it's not Asou-kun's fault. But I'm envy you, and I feel sorry for myself. It doesn't matter what I do, but with the me right now, I'm becoming more miserable. If it stays like this, I won't have the courage to live on. Thank you for doing so much for me. For saying that you like me, even the way I am now, thank you. I'm sorry that I can't give you anything in return. I can't see you anymore.

"One day. One day when it comes, I want to sleep, amongst a lot of flowers."

"As I think about the past, the tears will come out.

Reality is too cruel, too brutal. I don't even have the right to dream.

As I think about the future, tears will come out again."

"Where should I head towards? Even if there isn't an answer, I'll feel better by writing it down. I've looked for a pair of helping hands. But I couldn't feel them, couldn't see them. I only face towards darkness, and hear the sounds of my hopeless screams."

"What am I still living for?"

"I'm scared. Right now, if I don't write down the things in my heart, tomorrow...then I would forget it and would disappear, right? The diary...is evidence that I'm alive right now."

"Everyone's crying expressions have become blurry because of the tears. I definitely will die, because of such a small thing(choking) right?"

Asou's thoughts-

Animals and plants already know their own life span when they were born.

Only humans are greedy, and want to prolong their lives.

Postcard written by a high school girl, in response to Aya's published diaries,

"I had thought if I died that it would be great. I have the same disease as Aya-san.

When the doctors said I couldn't be cured, I cried non-stop.

Slowly, I couldn't walk properly. At school, I kept on being stared at.

My boyfriend, whom I was dating, left me too.

Why did I have to face this?

Every single day, I asked my okaasan(mummy).

But, I read Aya-san's article, and I know that I'm not the only one who is in pain.

I realised that since I got the disease, I have always been looking down at the gorund.

I want to be strong like Aya-san. From now, even if I'm in pain and cry, I want to use that kind of feeling to be able to move forwards. I feel like this because of Aya-san."

And then, after 8 tormenting years, Kitou Aya passed away. I like her always cheerful character (even she cries alot, like me) but, she always bring joy to her family & friends. I always liked her strong perseverance. She persevered & didn't give up even though she knew she was going to die. Instead, she worked hard to make her disease progress slower. I like what she wrote in her diary, it always make me apply things in real life with what she said. I felt sad, as she is such a wonderful girl, with lots of talents & friends. But, I have learnt to treasure my family, friends, things even more. I have realised that many things will happen along the way, no body knows what's going to happen in the future. So, cherish everything that I have now, and don't regret in the future. Even a sick person like Aya, can live her life to the fullest, so I must strive for that too.

And, all i can say is,

many thanks to my family, friends, SLB, for accompanying me through the ups-and-downs. And thanks for this show, i finally can have a piece of my mind after a crying session. hahas.

Labels: i will be the happy princess soon

[[Lil Princess Wrote On]]*|5:42 PM|

Friday, June 06, 2008

[[suck]]

this post shall be short & sweet... this feeling suck. but i hope you are alright. best wishes.

Labels: i am the gurl

[[Lil Princess Wrote On]]*|8:57 PM|

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

[[SC'08]]

woah woah woah, i feel like crying already. My holidays are just not holiday enough lo!
~~Last mon&tues went back for cca session,~~
~~WED-break,~~
~~Thurs went back for lessons,~~
~~Friday-sunday was SelectionCamp'08,~~
~~Monday (which was ytd), was back in school from 9am till 7pm with Xinthesis ppl &~~
~~Today was back in school with the SRR people + lessons.~~
& worst ofall, my hope of going shopping is ~~DASHED~~ maybe i shall pick up blogshopping someday like deniseloveely!

Selection Camp'08 [Friday 8am -Sunday 2pm]
all of the sudden i missed all my loved ones_jiayun,charmaine,bernice werent here, but in BEIJING! then, i missed those who cared for me during the Camp as i was sick, & thanks to the many caring seniors + camp comm. that i managed to 'survive' the camp. *Dont ask me about my situation, all i can say is MY MEDICATION SUCKS! i can't deny that i love CAMPINGS, but this one is more of a disappointing camp for me (not because of the camp comm. i know they rawk! but, because of the campers attending it... no offense here, but i need to SEE improvements from those who passed this camp to the next level) - I know there are some nominees out there who reads my blog, so yeahs, i hope to see you guys soon, with changes & improvements.

FIRST DAY, started out to be a bad starting (i already see it beforehand) as the SLs did not know the reporting time, all of us waited in the canteen, while the rest of the nominees were also in the canteen. They knew the venue, but just did not move OR say anything. In the end, SLs took the first steps to where the camp comm. were & nominees followed suit. [~~initiative?~~] punishments...for nominees & SLs. Then, briefing, bunking, and ICE-BREAKERs.

icebreakers- im in Sherry's group (yeahs, mentor&mentee!) with lionel, cassandra & valery. So, we took a very big block of ice, with crumpled newspapers frozen in it, no way of getting the newspaper out w/o being torn. x) intheend, no winner/losers as it is not fair. numb-ness in my fingers...

war game(water bomb), lunch, scavanger hunt. The first was WET! hardii, royce, desmond BOmbed me... good lo, can ka-jiao me during camp! ohwells, so i was all wet like my celineloveepiee. No strategies planned by Group1-3 x( no one cared to anyways... ... lunch, gave adam my Chicken Wings! (actually i gave him mine for all meals) Scavanger Hunt was ohkay, though i didnt participate as a Big headache just struck me like nobody's business, so left to chat & help out the camp comm. My group didnt know there was this 'special piece' & they just left it there. Unfortunately that is the Final piece that all didnt managed to find.

Lecture was royce story telling session (go kingroyce! xD) telematch &mudriver. Desmond & Adam were incharge of mudriver. was stuck in the op'sroom as casualties could not walk about as instructed by jasper. And, people told me my eyes were swollen. One big One small, so terribly ugly! Hardi tudi started comforting me saying his eyes also like tt. So, was in there with a few people & watching the nominees enjoyed the whole session. Ohmytian, at the video Desmond showed me. anws, i was like appointed the position of "Handphones care-taker" or sth, & i was like taking care of 3-4 handphones. Telematch was wet too. And i rode the bike! lols...

Courage Walk, went for the first round, there were some shutter prob (staring at Mr.j) but the camp comm changed plans, (though fast enough, but problems surfaced) so, seniors stepped in to help out. & the second roound was cool! Went with deniseloveely, & she only screamed ONCE! *im so proud of her* anws, hate the feeling of hearing the nominees screamed when we were waiting in the canteen with our eyes closed & with headache! thanks clement for being concerned. xD hope the nominees don't forget this experience, as this is a very meaningful one indeed.

high&lows were sucky as there were many things that werent touched on, bathe-many hogged the toilets, sleep. lights out 115am...

SECOND DAY, 715am woke up...the rest had PT by camp comm & wenqin. bf-ed. Next, Aqua-blindness...Aqua = water, blindness = darkness...so all in all i was once again wet when im promised i wouldnot be (sick mah, but nvm, i had cold throughout the camp) but, the camp comm is still funn.

lecture lunching lecture cum singalong session, thanks hongyou & seniors(Jasper, KheeErn, Sean, Domdom, Isaiah...etc) for these 2 lectures sessions, and now the nominees know more about concept of leaders, & they kept talking/reflecting about it. But, no improvements had been seen. Jiayous bahhs. Sing along, (with a few naughty people) one laughed till cry? wth... ...

Amazing Race, though Jun Wen was not unwell, he still persist (take care) sth cropped up, so was worried. I left my group & helped out Liyana's group with Lei Shi & Liya. So, we were not last but overran. Resulting in Colin erzi, waiting at my house busstop for like 2 hours. intheend went back to school with him & celine;s group(with willianto, shermaine, wesley & huixin.)

Dinner-ed at about 8pm plus, movie, bathe, high&lows, lights out at 12am (for nominees) but mostly were still roaming around. Debriefing for the SLs till about 2.20am i think. so we left to our bunks to sleep. but, most didnt get to sleep & were having eye bags (deep ones T.T)

Fire drill at 3am, it was not successful. SLs werent supposed to talk/say/shout/prompt/help the nominees. intheend resulted in noone's replying of anything. Punishments punishments & punishments, it was not that bad afterall as all together pumpings were <40. color="#ff0000">heartbreaking for us.

so Sls were not willing to go back to their bunks to sleep as they can't sleep, most of us slept in the canteen in the cold night (with seniors) in the morning woke up @ about 750am & walked back to bunk to sleep again. We were supposed to sleep till we get woken up...surprisingly me&liya were woken up, but ... *speechless* Sls who went down to PS were only me&liya&sherry&mingen. The rest were still in their bunks. Quite nice to have nominees oning the fans for their seniors to sleep in,even though theres a reporting time of 8am... the rest RAN down at about 8.30am.

PT- camp comm were present. Did warm ups crunches, jumping jacks, buddha claps(love it, 10, 50),so me&deniseloveely were counting for the rest, with wenqin. After the rest went for morning jog, so me&deniseloveely jogged the PS for like 4rounds. Many casualties from the nominees (even more than the past year's which is like practically none)

Interviews - i was in the room interviewing for almost all as i was like a mobile platform from one group to another when theres a need for subbing...still camp comm remained their cools.

HOME SWEET HOME @ 2plus

Overall emotions: Disappointed, heart breaking, i wanna see more improvements.

"Leadership cannot really be taught. It can only be learnt." ___Harold Green.

"He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander."___Aristotle.

"Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with the important matters." ___ Albert Einstein.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."___ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them."___ John C. Maxwell.

Clarinda once said, "i am a brave girl"

Labels: the sick girl x(

[[Lil Princess Wrote On]]*|3:07 PM|